East or West, Mum is Best!

Even before I read her words, I had heard about her and her memoir, the rather militantly titled 'Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother', from other sources. Amy Chua's everywhere on the net these days.

But when I actually read her article on Wall Street Journal's website, excerpted from her memoir and titled 'Why Chinese Mothers Are Superior' (subtlety is not Chua's strong point), I was moved. Really.

I moved through shock and horror, understanding and empathy, anger and humour. I reluctantly conceded some points while strongly disagreed with others. Chua is definitely blunt in many places (she's sparked a mini clash of civilisations after all) but as a child who grew up in a home environment indirectly shaped by Confucian values, her stabs were not new ones.

Before you jump the gun, let me tell you bluntly myself: my mum is not Amy Chua. Not at all. Neither is my dad. They no doubt share many of her values and beliefs: that education is of supreme importance, that parents should wield authority over their children, that parents objectively know better the real needs of their children,  that bolstering a child's self-esteem is not the primary objective of parenting—providing for the child is, especially in terms of education, but they are no where near as iron-fisted as Chua.

Compared to many parents I personal know or know of, mine are relatively strict and very conservative (that is not a criticism, mind you), but compared to Chua, they are almost hippies. It seems to me Chua takes the imposition of her values on her children to the extreme, to a point where it could probably lead to diminishing returns. Her kids might be tough and come out great, but I can imagine many others getting nervous breakdowns by 12, regardless of ethnicity.

I do not doubt Chua loves her daughters and wants the best for them and their future (at least by her standards), and I am not here to judge whether she is a bad mother or a good mother, or whether or not her style of parenting is superior in any sense of the word. I will not comment on any emotional effects her parenting will have on her kids, their happiness or their adult relationship with her.

What I can say is this. What Chua and her 'type' are doing to their kids is merely to produce perfect conformists. People who will have stable jobs and live in safe neighbourhoods and watch 20 seasons of American Idol and die anonymous to the world. Can anyone say if there's something wrong with that? Not really.

In many ways I am one of them. This 'safeness', this 'stablity' in life (encompassing financial, familial, societal safety and stability) is something that my parents and their parents treasure above many, if not all, other things. And because they believe this security and stability comes from education, they endeavored to give me the best they could afford in that area. No, not the best toys and Play Stations and gadgets and laptops and summer camps, but the best tuition and books and colleges and universities. I will admit I have not always been thankful, or even aware of this.

But now, this security and stability, this safeness, is something I am thankful for every morning. I know that, unless I make horrendous blunders in life or my society turns upside down, I will always have food and clothing and shelter because I have an education which assures my employment. And I know I have my parents to thank for it, and I also know it came to me at no small sacrifice on their part. I know all this very well. Yet, this safety and stability is the same thing I sometimes resent at night. It is this same thing that I feel has limited my options and negated my desires for a different, freer, less conventional life.

Let's face it, Chua's kids (and all kids who have parents are like her) may get A's and gain scholarships and go to top universities, but they will never be groundbreaking theorists or academicians. They may play the piano perfectly, but will never be the great composers. They may be literate and communicate well, but will never write 'The Great American Novel' or an award-wining play. They will be hardworking and rise the ranks, but will never venture their own start-ups. They will be excellent managers, accountants, bankers who will be hired by many big corporations, but will never be entrepreneurs, inventors or risk takers who make the news.

There will be no Steve Jobs, Mark Zuckerbergs, Tiger Woods, Richard Bransons, Theresa Tengs, Itzhak Perlmans, Meryl Streeps, JK Rowlings, Picassos, Robert Frosts, Quentin Tarrantinos, Schumanns, Stephen Hawkings, Mother Theresas, Ghandis or Thomas Edisons to come from them. It's almost impossible. I mean, can you really imagine any of those kids changing the world in any significant way?

Their job in life is just to do their job really, really well, and get ahead by pure efficiency. Their goal will be to live quiet lives away from trouble and have kids who do the same. They will pay taxes and vote and read newspapers, but will probably never get into politics. Their goal is not to create change, or initiate paradigm shifts, or to spread charity, or to lead peoples, or to cure world problems, or to make headlines, or to be brilliantly creative.  But again, can anyone say this is wrong? Not really.

There is no right or wrong here, that's the point.

Chua may be right about many things when she criticizes what she calls Western style parenting. But she also must understand that encouraging creativity and freedom and self expression and self respect can lead to great failures and well as great successes, often both in the same lifetime. Her parenting may lead to success in her kids, but only a very limited, albeit perfectly acceptable, definition of success.

Also read mainland's Chinese mums' reactions at newsweek.com

Happy Valentine's

Be careful out there libido-driven young Malaysians! I'm warning you! There'll be a crackdown on you vile lovebirds who flaunt your sinful Western lifestyle: bersunyi-sunyianing and berfoya-foyaing and besentuh-sentuhaning and bercium-ciumaning and berkhalwating. Disgusting! Didn't your teachers and parents bring you upright?
Don't you dare go out and offend the rest of us who might bump into you in parks, restaurants, and other vice-dens! Stay at home instead, where you can do all that without being caught.

Hehe, have a good one guys.

Semalam

Just finished reading 'The English Patient' yesterday. Great stuff.

I'm wondering whatever happened to Sean Ghazi. Ayone has a clue? If there's any justice in the world he should be famous by now. Sigh.



How have your Chinese New Year celebrations been going? Well I hope. Honestly, I am just.so.not.in.the.mood this year. I just feel so tired of the world right now. Weltschmerz as the Germans call it. Don't ask why. I don't really know myself.

I hope you feel perkier than I do.

P.S. Congrats too Boo and Chloe on their new baby girl!

Heading South Twice

Seremban tomorrow (even though I'm on compulsory leave), Kluang on Monday (I will have leave VERY early). Such is life for a juniour liti lawyer. I hope the traffic will be okay.

Chinese New Year doesn't feel particularly festive this year. Even without the work assignments I still feel it rather permeated with a sense of jadedness. Maybe it's the way the world is right now. Or maybe it's just me, growing old(er) and cynical.

Either way, I hope you'll have a good one. Take care out there.

Mucho lovin',
Josh

Cyberspace When You're Dead

Rob Walkers of the New York Times ponders on what happens to our digital legacy (facebook accounts, online photos, twitter updates, blog posts, websites, etc.) after we kick the bucket, and some attempts (both on a personal as well as professional level) to manage such information.

Here's a quote from his article, "Cyberspace When You're Dead":

For me, at least, pondering the digital afterlife made me rethink digital life. We’re encouraged to record and express everything, all the time. In real time, we can record and distribute the most important moments of our existence, and some of the least. For the generations growing up in the Web era, this mode of being is more or less taken for granted. But the tools we use privilege the moment, not the long term; they also tend to make everything feel roughly equal in importance and offer us little incentive to comb back through our digital scribblings and sort out what might have lasting meaning from what probably doesn’t. The results are pretty much the opposite of a scrapbook carefully edited to serve as a memory object but could end up serving that function by default.

It is a somewhat long but definitely thought-provoking essay.

Note: The link above may require you to sign up for a NYTimes Online Account to read, which is FREE and allows you access to a lot of good journalism, criticism and content.

Blog & Roll (Again): Minimal Movie Posters

When I started out this blog I wanted to write certain features on weekly basis (like quotes, featured blogs and music video selections), to keep up my discipline in blogging, to attract repeat readers and to have a sense of continuity.

It didn't work, after which I went on a more ad-hoc basis. Perhaps this year I can try a little harder? Or perhaps it's too late to even bother?

Here's a cool tumblr called Minimal Movie Posters (self explanatory title), also found via khai's tumblr.

Blog & Roll: MY MILK TOOF

This is way, way too cute not to share.

Found via Khai's tumblr.

Click on the post title to visit milk toofs Ickle and Lardee.

Warning: Too cute for work!

Yummeh

"The 50 best things to eat in the world, and where to eat them" according to Killian Fox of the Observer UK. Click on this link to visit the list, on the Guardian UK news site.

Validation

A sentimental but ultimately heartwarming short film on love.

Markku Lahdesmaki’s Robot Series

More awesome stuff, this time art showcasing the inherent alienation of modern robot life. Heh heh. Click on the post title to visit the link.

A Cloud Castle

Well, paper, actually.
Click on the post title to visit the link and check it out. It's awesome.

Hello 2011!

And yet another year has come and gone. Soon it'll be Chinese New Year too.

I've kept this blog going for two years, and in 2010 I published less than half of the posts I managed in 2009. Work does force you to spend less time on other things, I guess, but maybe this year I'll try to write more.

I'm back from a splendid holiday in Turkey and tomorrow, I'll be back to work. Dang it.

I hope you're all good!